beauty and despair found in otherwise empty places (i have a lot to say and it's always changing)

by Single Soul

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about

a tale of lust and irony
a collection of humanity stretching from late 2013 to early 2015

many thanks to everyone who contributed to the creation of this album in any way, specifically
thanks to zach for helping me write 'constance' and for sending me audio of rain sounds made by nature (thanks nature)
thanks to bryce/brianna for letting me borrow yr bass
thanks to chris and other chris for the immeasurable musical knowledge

credits

released February 18, 2015

jacob - guitar, vocals, bass, piano, etc.
erik - viola on 'palm springs' and 'dark bedrooms'
ann - lyrics and vocals on 'cinema boy'
yoon - vocals on 'dark bedrooms'
petey, oskar, and maybe lily - the sound of dogs walking on wood floor

this album is dedicated to suzanne alcala

tags

license

all rights reserved
Track Name: constance
i'll live my whole life in denial but they're never coming back. not the one that passed, not the one that left me, and not the one i never had.

don't you miss me? in a coffin or in california or in a city not too far away, it's always the same. i never did like change. it's never a specific event that makes me like this it's more of a culmination when my mind gets lost on faces that i haven't seen in too long.

and was i blessed to ever see that face at all? are we blessed to feel the joy that we feel at a remark or a smile or something more simple before it's ripped away as it always is. because i have too much to say and no diction to say it and even though none of you talk to me anymore you still say things that make me wanna die sometimes.
Track Name: yr love will punish you
too young to know any better. opiates to get through the day, there's so much death in the spring, such cold, cold, comfort. all that we ever had in common was anger and insanity, that's why i left. i'm not quite valuable yet, late bloom, early grave, and old photos of cemeteries. these words don't mean anything yet, the curse of a mind like mine is worse than old heartbreaks. come down, come down, dear you're better than this. you were an angel when you were with me. in my head i am always in love. i haven't told ava that i think she's beautiful and i don't think i ever will. just bury me in my sleep.

bury me in my sleep.
Track Name: cinema boy
lyrics by ann~

Hands graze.
Salted popcorn.
Shaky fingers. nervous, love?
Want a hand to hold.
Guess I'll have to hold my own hand.
It gets real lonely despite your company.

Stay up all night
After a trip to the cinema.
Dreaming of someone who will
Come and hold my hand
Whenever I want.

Dew from the strip mall
Patches of grass.
Wets my skin
As the sun rises
On our bodies.
Sun shiny at the
Strip mall.
Wallets empty
Greatest mistakes we've ever made.

Too bad that boy or girl
Only exists in the movie
We just watched on the sofa,
So close it hurt my hand
Because you couldn't hold it.
You were too busy texting other people.

I still wish you'd like me.
Track Name: hands free scotch hugs part 3
you have me drunk on lust just like the scotch we spoke of. i shaved my head to try to get away from no love. but lonesome always finds its way into my every day. suck from a bottle but it makes it worse, instead of dulling the pain.

so i'm sorry that i'm illiterate, do you still want to be next to me in bed? it's ok if you want to forget me. we have the same thoughts about late nights and what's good in life but life ain't quite good like it is and late nights are a lot harder than sleep.
Track Name: palm springs (vodka sleep)
you wrote me a song
your voice got stuck in my head
you made me feel warm
then you wouldn't talk to me again
you made me not scared of myself
but scared of something else
they say history repeats itself
i guess i have to want someone else
Track Name: shaky nicotine heart
stuck between my framework and my frailty
you'll find out all the things i don't want you to know about me
a mass of defective muscles move to spit out pretense
about a frame of bones without defense
and how eyes turn me into an unsheltered nothing
specifically yours, but at least you make me feel something
sew up my skin and leave me alone and gray
we're both going to die alone anyway
Track Name: dark bedrooms
we memorize our bodies like serial numbers and share our filthy confusion like street preachers but of sex and shame, and i am not a part of your body like i was with her when our amalgamation sang together, "this does not make us complete. this body is failing me."
Track Name: wine in water bottles part 1
spending days wasting away. every day is a blur when you're wasted all the time. i came back to reality with red eyes. laid my head down and went away.

my lungs blackened at the creek. and my mouth dry on the walk back home. on the day they took me to jail, i had been clean for three months.

lying down in a bed of leaves, trying not to think about anything. or maybe lying drunk on a bed trying to forget all the things you did. people only remember you for your mistakes, and lucky for me, i've made plenty. but it doesn't really matter, out of sight out of mind, at least for a little while.
Track Name: wine in water bottles part 2
wine in water bottles, next to my cigarettes.
in the pocket of my shorts
in the yard behind the school.
Track Name: burrowed into a closet at 4 A.M.
certain memories have more impact than you would expect them to have. i long to recreate my past even though at the time i felt like shit. in the fall of 2012 things were a lot different. i abandoned doing what i should've been doing to spend time with the people i wanted to be. even though they never liked me that much i adored every single one of them. at night behind the football field trying my hardest to make conversation with the girl that i thought was the prettiest girl i had ever seen. i would always try to be around her, even though i don't think she really ever liked me that much. and i tried so hard to be one of them while i isolated my one real friend before he went away in pain. seemingly a lifetime of trying to fit in and the only friend i had left and made me feel even more alone.

i don't want to feel that way again. i just miss my friend.